Unconditional

Webster defines this as: not conditional or limited. When we use the word "unconditional" before the word "love," we are claiming to love someone with no conditions or limits. I think it is very instinctual for parents to love their children in this way. Not all parents, but most. I know this to be true because we open our home to children who were not loved unconditionally. Many times the love of drugs out weigh that of their children. So when we open our hearts to children who were not born to us, "unconditional" becomes VERY complex. How will it ever be the same? Are there conditions to the love we have for them? Are we wrong for feeling differently about each one of the children who live in our home?

After struggling with this since the first day Ozlynn arrived, I've come to the conclusion...absolutely not! We aren't wrong. We are just real. Real people with real feelings who love in a very real way! I think this is one of the biggest fears of becoming a foster parent especially if you have biological children. Not long after we arrived home from the hospital with Brody, Eric and I just stared at him wondering how we could ever love another human as much as we loved this one? As time went on and we discussed more children, Eric would often ask, "Will we be able to really love another kid as much as we love Brody?" I would always smile and assure him we can love one, two, or five kids the same amount, but they would all have a different part of our hearts. Each child, no matter how we get them will be loved! But yes, we love each one in their own little way. There is the first born, the baby, the middle, the first girl, or first boy, or the child with special needs, or maybe the real hard headed spit fire, and what about the perfect child who wants to please always and would never do anything wrong, or the step-child who has longed for a father/mother figure for years until you stepped up? We all know each one of our children in a special way, therefore our love for them resembles the unique shape cut out specifically for them in our hearts.

So what about foster children? What about adopted children? Can it ever really be the same? It's natural to protect your heart to a certain extent because the name of the game in foster care is "reunification." This means that the number one goal of CPS is to reunify foster children with biological parents and/or family members. We have to constantly be ready to say goodbye. When you have children of your own or become a step parent you are saying "forever." Foster care isn't like that at all. It's actually the exact opposite. Most of the time you are saying "only for a little while-maybe." When foster children are easy to bond with and get attached quickly, it becomes so much easier to bond. When they are difficult and don't want to be loved, the unconditional part seems so far away. At this point there are conditions to my love. I have a biological son that I have to make sure is safe and protected. When we embarked on this journey our number one concern was Brody. How would he handle this? Would he have anger? What if a child hurt him? How would we ever forgive ourselves if another child harmed Brody? After all the questions and what-ifs we came up with only one answer. "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:10 God had asked us to do this, now it was our turn to trust in Him. The devil would have loved nothing more than to feed us lies upon lies about how we could never love foster children the same. There have even been thoughts of "am I really doing what's in the best interest of this child...will they ever feel our love is enough?" All these fears are just that though...FEAR! And we all know fear is the biggest liar. These kids need us yes, but in all reality we need them more. They were chosen, by God himself, to be ours. How in the world would we ever not measure up to a standard only God has set. Will we love them differently...of course! But will we love them all...of course! It doesn't say, "And the greatest of these is the BIGGEST UNCONDITIONAL love." It states, "And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love. -1 Corinthians 13:13

It's simple...just LOVE! Love when it's hard, love when it's easy, love when it's unconditional, love when it's only temporary, just love. The only standard of not giving or being enough is made up in our minds and fueled only by the lies satan tells us. Plain and simple-FEAR! Eric and I have pep talks often about "loving enough" and "loving the same." It always ends like this- God called us, God equipped us, God will guide us, and God doesn't make mistakes. He knew how big our love would be, and He knew our kids before they were even born. He also knows UNCONDTIONAL LOVE, for He is the one who created it. Big, little, black, white, foster, adopted, step, and the list goes on-they are ALL HIS CHILDREN! Even you and me! And even better...all our love, no matter how unconditional still doesn't measure up to His in the least bit! We are all going home one day. And...all these kids you and I love unconditionally were only here for us to Love On Borrowed Time.