In the Valley

After having a tubal pregnancy Eric and I were unsure about what our next steps were with becoming parents. We were excited to be parents, but in the back of our minds there were many what-ifs. I had to undergo a dye test before we could even consider getting pregnant again. This test was to ensure there was no blockage in my tubes. Six weeks after surgery I was scheduled for the test at the hospital. Dr. Ram had prescribed me one hydrocodone and instructed me to take it before the dye test. He explained to me that the procedure may be a little painful, surely if there was a blockage. This test is preformed while you're fully awake. As I made my way into the room, I asked the nurse if she had some water. I wanted to take the pill Dr. Ram had prescribed me. In a sarcastic tone she asked, "What is that for?" I answered her and explained what the doctor had told me. She then rolled her eyes and replied, "Well if you're not tough enough to have this done without medication then you don't need to have kids." I just looked straight at her with no words, eyebrows raised, and popped the pill in my mouth while looking her dead in the eyes. I think she got the hint rather quickly, because she seemed to all of a sudden have many things to get ready in the room. She had no idea what I had just been though, nor did she seem to care. I made my way onto the table where the same nurse rolled two bed sheets up and hooked them around my feet. She informed me, "This bed doesn't have stirrups on it, so you will have to hold up your legs while we do this." I was appalled but being young and nervous, I just wanted to get this over with. They administered the dye test that revealed I had no blockage in either tube. I was then cleared to return to all normal activities and could proceed with trying to become pregnant again if I chose to. I was relieved to get out of that place and happy about the news. I walked quickly to the waiting area and told Eric the good news. On our way home, I starting explaining to him what all had been said and done in the room. He slammed on his breaks yelling. "Do what? She said what? I'm going back in there right now!" I talked him down and told him we never had to go back again. We were done with all the tests and cleared to make a baby, so we agreed to just forget about it. I really wasn't in the mood for bailing my husband out of jail that day either!

I became pregnant right away...most likely that day. Haha! We didn't tell anyone in fear something may be wrong. We wanted to make sure all was okay with this baby before we announced it to anyone. I was ordered by Dr. Ram to see a doctor as soon as I became pregnant to ensure the baby wasn't in the tube again. I went to Rockwall where my new OB-GYN was located. They administered a sonogram and confirmed I was pregnant, and the baby was indeed in the right place. We were beyond excited! Then came the "well...I have some concerns though" from the sonogram technician. As he measured the baby and the amniotic sac, the measurements were not adding up. He explained to us that the sac holding the baby was measuring one week behind the baby. This meant if the sac didn't catch up soon, the baby would outgrow it and basically suffocate. My heart sank. I asked if there was anything we could do to help this. He answered, "No, I'm sorry. You just have to wait and see if the sac will catch up. I want you to come back in two weeks, and we will measure everything again." With heavy hearts and so many thoughts running through our heads, Eric and I left the office. We agreed to keeping completely quiet about this until we knew more. If I did lose this baby, we didn't want anyone else to know. The next two weeks were terribly long. We prayed and asked questions and wondered why this was happening. Finally it was time for our next sonogram appointment. I sat down on the bed scared to death of the news that was coming. "Great news! The sac is measuring perfectly, and the baby is doing well." the doctor said. But..."I do have a few other concerns now." I didn't understand. Is it always like this? The sonogram technician told us my blood test had come back showing risks of chromosomal disorders, such as down syndrome or trisomy. The baby also had a nuchal fold (fluid on the back of the baby's neck) that was measuring higher than normal, indicating the same signs as the blood test. I knew what both of these chromosomal disorders meant. Down syndrome was a little scary, but we could certainly figure that out. But trisomy 13 or 18 terrified me! Twenty to 30 percent of babies born with trisomy 18 or 13 die in the first month of life, and 90 percent die by age 1. Only 5 to 10 percent of babies with trisomy 18 or 13 survive the first year of life. These are facts I just found online which are a little more promising than what we were told almost nine years ago. They told us if our baby had trisomy 18 or 13 that basically he/she would be incompatible with life.

So how would we know for sure? These were just small indicators that could be wrong. There was no guarantee this baby had any of these issues until we did amniocentesis, which comes with risks as well. So we were scheduled to meet with a specialist in Plano at this point. The specialist would be the one to preform this test if we decided to do it, but would also care for the baby while I was pregnant if he/she had any chromosomal disorders. I was about 10-11 weeks along when we found out all of this news. If we chose to have the amniocentesis done it would be performed between 14-16 weeks. So once again we had waiting to do and lots of decisions to make. We shared our news with just a few family members and close friends. Would we just forget all the testing and see what happens? Or should we get the amniocentesis done, but risk injury to the baby or possibly a miscarriage?

After many prayers, long conversations, and lots of tears, we decided to have the test done. If we were going to be planning a funeral for our new baby, we needed to prepare. I was already guarding my heart, to a certain extent, thinking in the back of my mind I was going to lose this baby as well. We wanted to know for sure just how special this little one would be. In the weeks waiting to have the testing performed the conversation of adoption arose. Eric and I both agreed that we were open to adoption. If we lost this baby we wouldn't try again for another baby of our own. We would take the adoption route. For weeks I imagined what this baby would be like. I would dream about this baby at night. Was it a boy or girl? How could we prepare better for a child with down syndrome? And how in the world would we prepare ourselves and others if this baby was to have a chromosomal disorder that would take his/her life?

I prayed so much! I begged God to please just give me one healthy baby! I promised to never ask for another baby again! I know you can't make "deals" with God, but I knew in this moment if my baby lived I would never ask Him for another baby of my own. Finally the day came for the testing that would give us all the answers about our precious little one. The doctor was amazing, and the test was very fast and easy. The doctor shook the vial that was filled with amniotic fluid that had little pink looking specks in the bottom floating around and said, "There it is...there's the genetic makeup of your baby. Give me a few days, and I'll call you with the answers you have been waiting on." There we were again...waiting! This process was about 15 weeks along at this point, and I had waited for what seemed like months already.

I was sitting outside at recess with a few other teachers watching my students play when my phone rang. I knew by the number exactly who it was, and I felt my heart immediately start racing. "Is this Mrs. Christian?" he asked. "Yes, this is she." I answered. He then said the most amazing words ever, "I have great news...your baby has no chromosomal defects whatsoever. You are carrying a perfectly healthy baby, and you should be able to carry this child to full term. Would you like to know the sex of your baby?" With tears in my eyes and a huge smile on my face I answered, "Yes...tell me please!" He said, "You are having a little boy. Congratulations!" I don't remember much after that. I called Eric and he was ecstatic also. We couldn't wait to share our wonderful news with everyone. WE ARE HAVING A BABY BOY!!

So after all that, I had a great pregnancy and delivered the most perfect 6lb 15oz blue eyed boy-Brody Wayne Christian! And for this child we had prayed and prayed! God knew exactly what He was doing when we went through all these obstacles to get our little boy. He planted a seed right then for us to be foster/adoptive parents. It wasn't until Brody was 5 years old that we realized it was time to begin our foster care journey. When we felt it was time for our next child, we certainly knew me having another baby wasn't in the plan. Adoption was the next step. God had given us one healthy baby boy, so now it was our time to live out His next plans for us. To look back now all that waiting seems just like a few days. In the storm is where all the growing takes place though. If we hadn't been through all we went through, we may have never opened our hearts and home to other children. God knew...He knew exactly how much to give us to bend...not break. In all situations God does this. Our only job is to listen when He speaks. If we were always on the mountain tops we would never need to trust in Him and listen. It's in those valleys, when life is hard, that we learn to trust, believe, and give it all to Him. This valley literally gave us the direction and the ultimate calling for our life. In this valley is where our foster care journey was planted. Now we are living in this crazy, amazing life just watering a seed that God planted almost a decade ago...just Loving On Borrowed Time.

One proud Daddy!

He told them, "Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me. And whoever welcomes me welcomes him who sent me. For whoever is least among you-this one is great." Luke 9:48

I know that when I come to you, I will come in the fullness of the blessing of Christ. Romans 15:29