Often times when I'm stressed or questioning if I'm making the right decisions...I eat cinnamon rolls! Haha Just joking...kinda! But who doesn't love a great cinnamon roll? I'm definitely a thinker/questioner when it comes to decisions in my life. Mentally I hash out all the pros and cons to my decisions. I ask myself often, "Does God really want me to do this or is this just me thinking that's what He's telling me?" Can you relate? I have many friends that can totally understand this type of constant questioning. Most of these questions are easy to answer, but sometimes we have to make big decisions which results in answering big questions. When Eric and I are faced with these questions they sometimes sound like this, "Are y'all ready for another foster child yet?" followed by, "Would you be willing to take twin baby girls?" It takes a lot of decisiveness to know what our answer should be. Does God want us to take care of the orphans...of course! Does God want us to take care of the family He has already given us and not lose our minds...of course! When we are faced with these types of scenarios Eric and I talk...a lot. We ask each other many questions and sometimes we even have some "intense fellowship" about what decision we need to make. We always look and listen for "signs" to point us in the right direction when we are faced with these questions. We read our Bible, read devotionals, pray, and listen to words from Godly people around us.
When we had Nolan, the little boy who literally taught us more about foster care in the 13 months we had him than we could learn in a lifetime, we did so much questioning! When we started our journey we only wanted one little girl who was younger than Brody. Why did we say yes to a 5 year old little boy? The reason is simple...we both felt a strong feeling that we needed to say yes. During the 13 months he was with us we constantly wondered if we were doing the right thing. How was this affecting Brody? Is it okay to put our marriage under this much stress? I remember wanting to give up on our foster care journey many times during the kicking, fighting fits he would have. I would then be reminded of my purpose when he would hug me tightly saying, "You're the best momma I ever had."
One weekend after a camping trip at Cooper Lake State Park with Nolan and Brody, I was on my way home when I saw a young man on the side of the road waving flags. There was a sign that said, "Cinnamon Rolls" beside him. The boys were riding with Eric, so I was alone in my car. I had read comments on Facebook about these sweet boys who sell cinnamon rolls on the side of the road. I passed by thinking I didn't have enough time to stop. I looked in my rear view mirror a few times while feeling such a strong urge to turn around to buy some cinnamon rolls. Quickly I turned around and pulled up in the shoulder of the highway to the biggest smile greeted by, "Good morning ma'am! Would you like some cinnamon rolls?" As he handed me four huge cinnamon rolls he asked, "How can I pray for you?" Talking through the lump in my throat I said, "Yes, you can pray for our little foster son. He struggles badly, and I just want him to know he is loved." This young man peered down the road in front of us with an extremely intense expression on his face. He knew what Nolan was feeling. I could feel his hurt from the driver side of my car. He looked me right in the eyes and explained to me that he had been in many different foster homes when he was young. He told me he would get "kicked out" for his behavior because he was so bad. With such a seriousness in his voice he told me how thankful he was for the family members who took him in. He told me he would pray for us and that we were doing a good thing for our foster son. I looked at this young, teenage boy who had suffered the hurt of being an orphan and realized he was praying for ME! He was selling cinnamon rolls on the side of the road to help raise money for his family home that had recently burned, and was praying for Nolan! They were rebuilding their home and this young man was selling cinnamon rolls to help pay for it! God answered me in this moment. He told me to press on and love Nolan with everything I had. He told me that giving up wasn't in His plan. He told me that my Nolan could be praying for people on the side of the road one day. After a long weekend of camping and wondering what it would be like if it were just Eric, me, and Brody again, God spoke to me through a young man holding cinnamon rolls. I could have ignored that "gut feeling" to turn around, but I'm so thankful I didn't. I needed this young man's words much more than I needed the cinnamon rolls.
I think we should all make it a priority to "turn around" when we have those feelings. I would have missed such a blessing and a word from God if I had kept driving. God speaks to us in dreams, through Bible reading, through worship, and through people. His people! That young man had no idea how we were struggling with Nolan. He didn't know that we were so close to writing a letter to have him removed from our home. He shared with me the exact words I needed to hear that day. The twenty dollars I gave him for the cinnamon rolls had no value to the power of his words when he spoke to me. In this life, it's our job to talk to the people waving the flags. We need to engage people even when we are in a hurry and don't feel we have time. In those moments God will speak. God will continue to put the "perfect" people in our paths to ensure His plan is carried out. Because of a flag, young man, and some cinnamon rolls I didn't give up on Nolan. I listened to what God said and continued to Love On Borrowed Time.
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